Gnome respect at all

It’s a sad state of affairs when lovely human folk like Colleen Cheak are terrorized by bandits. I assume one of the watch gnomes must have scared off the robbers before they could make away with more ornaments, but I do hope everyone makes it back safely.

What can we do to protect ourselves?

Kidnapping still a garden gnome reality

No, that isn’t Gnomedini, the great gnome illusionist, but a representation of what a kidnapped gnome might experience at the hands of his captors. The sad truth is that gnomes continue to be abducted from perfectly good gardens, like that of Margaret Robertson.

There are instances when garden gnomes are kept against their will, but in most instances we are loyal to our owners and love the garden work.

Gnome consideration at all

I know the wee folks over at eHow are trying to be helpful, but I take a few issues with their 4 steps for preventing lawn gnome theft.

Step 1 : Fat gnomes just can’t work as hard as more fit gnomes. We all have bellies as we enjoy the fruits of our labour and a wee tipple now and then, but how would we be expected to work with our pants literally filled with lead?

Step 2 : Probably the most sensible option, though electric fencing can often harm animals and is a bit impractical in an urban setting. I’d opt for the nettles or other prickly plants.

Step 3 : Lets see some humanfolk wrap themselves with electric fencing and see if they like it. Get a gnome with a tool. We are typically peaceful, but a crack across the shin with a pick axe says, “Hands Off!”

Step 4 : The dog is fine, but hanging a plastic steak around my neck? Think again.

Italian garden gnomes go missing

Homeowners from Cuneo to Trieste are concerned for the well being of their beloved garden friends. A group of young entrepreneurs has come up with an interesting solution to stop this new form of cultural terrorism.

I’m not sure which side to be on … I certainly do not support gnome servitude, but on the other hand, many gnomes are content working in urban or residential gardens. I am very lucky to roam the hills of Ireland and my host family allows me to travel freely abroad or on trips with them when it is convenient.

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Caught Speeding

Garden gnomes are all about safety and though we rarely come across vehicles in the woods and gardens, apparently some of us have been put into service to help alert motorists to speed traps. I would rather support safety than try to foil the Garda, but there you are …

South African police officials are up in arms about a website that ridicules the secretive use of speed cameras throughout the country. The site, speedtraps.co.za, offers a forum for users to discuss speed trap locations in each region of the country, similar to the National Motorists Association’s Speed Trap Exchange in the US. Speedtrap.co.za’s gallery also offers photographs of camouflaged speed cameras, shirtless speed trap operators and — most offensively for the police — a garden gnome placed atop a speed camera in Pietermaritzburg, a town in KwaZulu-Natal.

Read the wee article.

She’s alright, she’s alright, she’s alright …

I hope shenanigans like this don’t lead to increased gnome security at airports. I enjoy the freedom of air travel and don’t like getting my tunic wrinkled.

Linda Martin, 54, of South Africa, was caught at Auckland International Airport with more than 3kg of the class A drug, which had been stashed in ornamental gnomes packed in her suitcase.

Martin claimed she knew nothing of the cocaine, but was duped by a Nigerian drug ring, which made threats against her family, into believing she was doing a dummy run.

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