Beag Óg Bramblefoot

All picture credits go to the wee folks at Cupcake Chronicles.

The fine folks over at Cupcake Chronicles appear to be accepting donations for the Save the Gnomes Foundation. I was horrified to hear of the stories they told and the awful but true pictures of gnome torture.

With your generous contributions, we can get the gnomes working again. On their own gnome land. In their own gnome homes. No longer victims of the exploitative underworld of illegal gnomigration.

The boiled gnome pictured on the site was supposed to be used instead of the rabbit in Fatal Attraction before the SGF stepped in to prevent these graphic images from appearing in the film. Act now!

Steve Paffett has turned to gnome economics to help build his plastic business. He has quite a sense of humour, creating beer drinking gnomes and has even stranger ideas of extending his existing line of gnomes.

“If I had the time and energy I would expand in gnomes big time. I would have gnomes for every occasion. I’d have funeral gnomes, wedding gnomes and even porno ones.”

Now, now Steve …

My little gnome brain still hurts from trying this puzzle.

One hundred very smart garden gnomes are snatched from their homes by an evil wizard. He tells them he is going to line them all up in a row. They won’t be able to see the color of their own hats or anyone’s behind them, but they will be able to see the hats of the gnomes in front of them. The wizard will start at the back of the line and ask each gnome to guess the color of his own hat. Each gnome can only answer “red” or “blue”. If he gives the wrong answer, he will be led off to work on the wizard’s landscaping for the rest of eternity. If he answers correctly, he will be returned to his own garden.

From the wee folks at Make Magazine.

Gnome at Macungie flower park. (Kathleen X. Cook/The Morning Call / December 4, 2007)

Now I don’t want to claim any credit for the following contest, but the Lehigh Valley used to be my stomping ground before traveling over to Ireland. The Macungie Flower Park was a great place to spend a few hours on a sunny afternoon. Glad to see Reginald is still happily employed, even if he is looking a bit elfish with all that holiday loot.

Congrats to the three wee winners.

Who is this Tom Cruise guy anyway? He looks nothing like a gnome, sporting not one whisker of facial hair. Where’s the hat? What’s with the sunglasses at night?

Tom has posed for the legendary gnome sculptor Giovanni Laregia. Who is very much impressed with Tom’s personality. Laregia remarked that Tom has every quality that a sculptor looks for in a model. Poise, character, pointy ears – and he feels that Tom has it all.

Either I have lost a lot of respect for Giovanni Laregia, or this whole thing must be some kind of silly human prank. Tom claims to be an avid gnome collector, but to what end?

One in ten (home buyers) say a garden gnome would be an attractive feature, while 17 per cent viewed them as a turn off.

Apparently this survey was taken by humanfolk that don’t know all the benefits provided by having a wee helper in the garden. Most gnomes avoid human contact, though there are the few whose pride overwhelms them and display themselves prominently on the lawn.

I take great pride in keeping a superb garden, employing organic and sustainable methods. I also spend a great deal of time helping animals of all kind in the forest.

Jack Zander, master animator, was responsible for putting the most accurate depiction of Gnomes on screen in the 1980′s. He passed away on the 19th of December at 99, just shy of reaching 100 years, which I understand is quite an achievement for humans, but would be a tragedy amongst gnomefolk.

Merry Christmas, Jack, we’ll be thinking of you this holiday.

These would be too big for my wee table, but perhaps you might like some gnomeware for your next meal.

From the wee folks at Kiss That Frog.

“As we know, there are known gnomes; there are gnomes we know we know. We also know there are gnome unknowns; that is to say we know there are some gnomes we do not know. But there are also unknown ungnomes — the gnomes we don’t know we don’t know.”

I’m sure Dave Malan is a fine chap, though I don’t approve of gnome trafficking on eBay. Poor Berthold didn’t mean any harm, but many gnomes are extremely uncomfortable around humans, especially if they aren’t wearing hats.

Hopefully someone will claim this woodland friend and give him another chance in the wild. It’s almost his time for a visit back to his birthday tree.